Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
