everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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