Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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