The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
