i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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