Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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