There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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