the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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