I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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