I cockslap morals
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
