I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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