part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
