I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
