Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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