stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
