I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
