I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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