Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
