I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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