we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize