girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
