yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
