What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
