Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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