it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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