nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
