UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
bring money and cleavage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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