a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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