My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
