yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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