drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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