He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
