Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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