I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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