I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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