Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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