are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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he told me I talked like a deaf person
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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