Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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