I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
