I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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