the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
