He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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