I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
