And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
