i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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