Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
