I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
