i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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