cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
