i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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