my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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