wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry about my life...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
