soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Shame - the story of my life.
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