Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
