Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
