Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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