the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
