I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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