I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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