It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
