Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
