my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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