I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My cat gives me a boner
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
