Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
