I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
