i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
