Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
