i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
