I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
