And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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